Humming and dancing and :)

12 Jun

I should write about this amazing thing that is happening to me. I am discovering things about myself, and in the process, also finding out I can be a pain in my ass in terms of feeling simultaneously proud and cynical about me.

Here’s how my conversation with me is going these days. For your convenience, “me” is flabbergastedly pleased, outraged by the world, and happy; and “ME” is annoyed and cynical about everything that is “me”.

me: holy sucking crap! Who are these amazing people? What is this amazing site? What is wrong with politicians, I hate those people? I should hate the world but then there are these other completely awesome set of people, and apparently if I type “cats in cups” on google images, I will be presented with thousands upon thousands of pictures of kittens in cups wooking juft adowabubble, even though I’m a doggy perfon, yesh I am, yesh I am, my gwod, joo are sho cute, kitten in cup wiv kittens fashe on wuh cup… man, I hate that Times Now guy, and everyone who appears on the news…

ME: you are so full of it. Go shove it up your own ass. ‘Ooh, look at me, I’m all diversified. I like to hate people and love the kittens, and there are some amazing people, so I don’t hate the world. Look at me, I’m so complicated, and I’m trying to be the next Liz Lemon.’

me: ….. well, you suck…. (looks around for smartassery) … you’re cynical.

ME: oh boo fucking hoo. Did reality burst your bubble of happiness? You wanna cry, ya big fake fake.. fake-o.

me: you know why you’re less awesome than me?

ME: Oh this should be good. Is it because I don’t think about awesomeness?

me: No, because, while you say shit like fake fake fake-o, I’ll be thinking of John Green’s awesome fucking T-shirt that says “Holden Caulfield thinks you’re a phony.”

ME: and your point is?

me: I don’t know about anyone else, but I find hanging out with me more fun than hanging out with you cause even when I’m cynical, I entertain myself, while you’re just like Walter the puppet. You’re fun and all, but everyone’s really waiting for Achmed.

ME: God, you’re so full of it. Just cause you watch the good shows and read the books and the watch the movies and watch the comedians and have psycho memory about those things, you think you’re awesome. Well, I do all of that shit too.

me: no, I do that shit, and I tell you about it. If it were up to you, you’d just lie there on the bed with the door shut and have your friends worry about you and drug you into telling them what’s wrong, while you lose yourself in a haze of reading weird fanfiction.

ME: well, let me tell you bitch, nothing’s gonna come from reading and writing and drawing and knowing all those “interesting” things as you call them. You’re going nowhere.

me: well, unless you have something better that Billy should do, you can stuff it. I like my vlogbrothers and the TDS and the TCR and the fandoms and the tumblr and the youtube and the Ashish Shakya and the Khushwant madness and the tv shows and the game of thrones. You like nothing. You don’t even like it when Billy is productive cause you’re just a cynic and nothing more.

ME: see, now you’re trying to be all deep and shit. You do realize it sounds like rubbish.

me: hey, listen, I have to find this video where John Green talks about guys who think their girlfriends are too smart. And after that I wanna read some skeevy fanfiction, want in?

ME: … yea. Bitch. You’re a stupid bitch!

me: nice! Sassy gay friend reference! You’re learning.

ME: just… lets watch the nerd boy and then do the weirdo fanfiction, mmkay?

me: Mr. Garrisson reference!

ME: *Sigh lets face, it. We’re the same person. *sigh

It’s a constant battle. But yes, I have discovered tumblr (a long time ago, but I’m writing about it now), and I have yet to see a part of it that annoys me. It’s full of art and books and movies and tv. It is everything awesome about the world and the internet. And I love the vlogbrothers. And I love Ashish Shakya more every time I read him. And I have to read Bossypants. Will have to talk to my not so sassy gay friend about that.

And this is the stuff I finished reading recently – Cider House Rules, Silence of the Lambs, The Liar. Poorly done. In my defense, I was working a thankless job, and getting paid for it bitches! That sounds like prostitution… “job”… but since I doubt anyone else is as potty brained as me, leave it in for zee entertainment (Snatch reference- I don’t know if they were referring to something else).

Currently reading “The Book Thief” by Markus Zusak, which is just beautiful. Just. So. Beautiful. Anywho, taking a page off my sister’s facebook page (I’m getting ideas from facebook?), this is a picture of some of the books I hope to have read in this year. Except if any of them turns out to be that rare book which is so dull I can’t finish it. I have a feeling the Palin bio and Pickwick Papers may or may not be in that category.

Daryaganj bitchess!!

Fuck. I forgot to add Truth, Love and a Little Malice to the pile (btw Thanks to my metrosexual friend for informing me of my incorrectly referring to that book). My sister (whom I am feeling very appreciative of) got me an awesome hard bound copy. And a tiny corner of it is mice bitten. I love it when books look like they have been read, and have had a life. Just adds character so beautifully.

ME: Pretentious.

me: *scowls

Anyway, to my sister, “Annie” as she so horridly likes to be called, this is NOT an invitation to be overly emo towards each other, or emo at all. Oh and The Liar is just as awesome as H said it would be. So thank you androgynously named friend!

Oh yeah, to my two friends who have birthdays today, (and I remember this only because all the other friends whose birthdays I forgot over the summer have been bitching about it, and rightly so), happy birthday!

Since I’m running for governor or the state of random, here’s one of the reasons why tumblr is awesome – you get to watch gifs of the amazing Hugh Laurie and his cutetastic gaffes such as this –


And it leads me to stuff like this without searching for it. It’s a short film in what is probably Portuguese. You click the cc button, and my god, it’s such a sweet film –

And I find Neil Patrick Harris doing this –

I don’t even like kids, but man….

And I find gifs like this –

*faints of cute-itis

And find stuff like this – Paul McCartney flew to Monteserrat, where Beatles producer George Martin had installed a state-of-the-art studio, to begin work on a solo album. The studio manager revealed that McCartney was planning to record with both Harrison and Starkey; ‘John Lennon may well have been on the album as well if he had still been alive.’ A guest at the sessions was the Beatles’ long-time friend rockabilly pioneer Carl Perkins. He played McCartney a song he had just written, entitled ‘My Old Friend’. ‘After I finished,’ he recalled,

“Paul was crying, tears were rolling down his pretty cheeks, and Linda said, ‘Carl, thank you so much.’ I said, ‘Linda, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry.’ She said, ‘But he’s crying, and he needed to. He hasn’t been able to really break down since that happened to John.’ And she put her arm around me and said, ‘But how did you know?’ I said, ‘Know what?’ She said, ‘There’s two people in the world that know what John Lennon said to Paul, the last thing he said to him. But now there’s three, and one of them’s you, you know it.’ I said, ‘Girl, you’re freaking me out! I don’t know what you’re talking about!’ She said that the last words that John Lennon said to Paul in the hallway of the Dakota building were, he patted him on the shoulder and said, ‘Think about me every now and then, old friend.’

“And that, with minor alterations, was the chorus line of Perkins’ song, ‘McCartney really feels that Lennon sent me that song, he really does.”

And people like the vlogbrothers, and talks between Richard Dawkins and Neil DeGrasse Tyson, which weirdly reminds me…

Gullu (hehe, she hates that name being out there for the world to know) recently informed me that most of the bollywood film clips with hilarious Punjabi voiceovers that I roll around on the floor laughing to is made by people from all over Pakistan. This just proves what I have been saying all along! Muslims (I am assuming most of them would be muslims, sue me) could be to India what Jews are to America! They’re already all over our shitfaced version of Hollywood (and rightly so, they funny and talented), and theologically speaking, Islam is close to Judaism.

They got the whole pork thing, the curly hair thing, circumcision thing, when we’re hot we’ll be too hot to handle thing…. All these things in common. Anywho, all we need to do, as a country, in order to have more awesome funny, is oppress them a bit more. You know, in our daily lives. Apparently, an amazing sense of humor is one of the most common results of a screwy childhood based on stereotypical bullying. Is that not PC? Screw it. But if that doesn’t sit well with anyone, just to be a somewhat equal opportunity asshole – beef tastes amazing. It really does. I’m not just saying that. BTW I was kidding about the oppressing.

ME: man, will you ever get over your need to explain yourself so people don’t get mad? You’re such a chump.

me: ….

Ooh, and I found that picture I loved from the chintzy My Bar –


I should draw some more…

Anywho, back to watching vlogbrothers and reading the fanfiction.


–        Billy

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Posted by on June 12, 2012 in Bakchodi, Fun!, Random


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