As Expected

25 Jun

This apparently happened. Two idiots were sitting in their room looking through their mail. They were both sent mail by a common friend and as fate would have it, they both opened the mail at the same time. After looking through the contents cursorily, by some twist in the fate of things, they both noticed that another person had been sent the mail at the same time, and they both wondered the same thing together- “Who on earth is Saxx Granny??”

Yeah, it was me. Sam has me as Saxx Granny on her gmail id. Blah blah. Point being, I’m supposed to know a lot about sex. I honestly don’t know too much. Sure, I admit, I do know more than about 90% of the girls in the GH probably, and I guess I’m more open to talking about it. But I just know basic facts- Touch, Feel, Kiss, Taste, Liquids, In-Out In-Out, Off and Out. Till tonight I hadn’t seen it. Now that I have, I am happily reassured of the fact that I am, at least in some ways, very much a girl.

The fact is, that while I described the basic facts as whatever I described it as, I definitely don’t think that is it. There’s more. There’s definitely more than what the Latin Adulterers did. Or to be more accurate, more than what they were doing.

There are several problems with what I saw of porn. Firstly, the fact that as Professor Humphrey said in Monty Pythons: The Meaning of Life, “… we have all these possibilities before we stampede towards the clitoris.” I swear, there was  a moment of kissing, then clothes off, uncomfortable underwear off, and not even a glance at such things as the chest (from either the guy’s or the girl’s side- and both are equally important) before the guy started “leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at the gate” (again, footnote the great Monty Pythons). If I were the chick, I’d expect a bit more care than that, honestly.

Next, sex really isn’t such a great prospect for us girls unless there is some degree of affection. If not affection, at least a certain degree of desire. And while I must admit, most of the clip did not constitute faces, when we did get a look at the faces, they looked like they were faking it. Bored would be a good term. As far as I am concerned, anything that makes sex boring is just sad.

Further, and I’m not even slightly adventurous enough to ever think of doing it when there is a third person in the room. For me, that is just creepy. Au Naturale may include a lot of things, but I’m just not cool with more than two people, one of them being me. As much as I can talk about it, the act is a very personal thing. Not something to be done in as many positions as possible with your vagina tilted just so, in order for the third person (shudder) in the room to capture it with perfect lighting for the camera.

As a film buff I have to say, the cinematography was horrible. Really, I am the first person to admit that the female genitalia i not that pretty, and the male one is definitely not. So why, WHY the focus on the conjecture between the two? How is that pretty, in any sense of the word? I have been happier watching sex- scenes from normal movies where at least it doesn’t look like they’re doing it for a camera.

So there, an analysis of how porn is just too fake to be real.

For the record, I’m not disgusted by guys. I suppose in some ways, Porn is for them, what cutesy chick flicks are for us. We think the other is just weird and digusting, and we can’t help but like our own stuff.


Posted by on June 25, 2009 in Rant


3 responses to “As Expected

  1. malavika

    June 26, 2009 at 11:02 am

    Was just telling Ipsh. “Sex makes the world go around. Love just makes it a safe place.” – Woody Allen.

  2. 9livestoomany

    June 27, 2009 at 12:45 pm

    The man was wise in some ways, wasn’t he? although shooting his daughter naked i questionable *scrunch nose*.
    also, another complaint here- I really think this is important. A lot of kids find out about sex, especially, the mechanics, so to speak, through porn. It might be an idea to have condoms involved. HIV is a real problem, and the health of the world depends on the condom. So, regardless of the fact that yall men may not particularly like your jerking off interrupted by putting on of a condom, you also want people to live, right?

  3. 9livestoomany

    June 27, 2009 at 12:46 pm

    p.s. i meant the guy in the video putting on a condom.


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